My Life is a Puzzle

The old adage says to write what you know and I've always thought that a good plan. In Please Tell Me Who I Am, the main character, Alexis, is a Multiple Personality. So am I. Alexis is a cutter. At one time in my life, so was I. That said, I felt very akin to Alexis.

When I wrote about her having episodes of dissociation with the Goblin, I remembered who I was too, when pain was so great I needed to cut to experience something different. I'm so glad to report that that time in my life is over thanks to a lot of therapy.

Alexis lost her mom at a very young age, an event that was so painful it shaped who she was to become. Dissociative Identity Disorder or DID for short is a disorder based on trauma. Between losing her mom and feeling so alone with her distant and grumpy father, Alexis developed a drastic means of coping. For me, it was the sexual abuse I endured at a very young age that caused me to "split" my ego into pieces, each one carrying an event or part of my personality. Thus, I use the analogy of random puzzle pieces to image that which is usually invisible. It was the same for Alexis. The Goblin held all of the pain and dealt with it the only way she knew how.

Writing has been a way for me to give voice to those parts of me who were silenced so long ago. I write in many different voices, literally, and that is how I can write stories for children and self-help books and memoirs without skipping a beat. It is a gift that I treasure. Being Multiple has it's trials at times - forgetting things is a big one. Forgetting you know someone, buying clothes you don't remember, being accused of lying because "someone else did it" are all examples of what life is like when you have a myriad of different personalities.

I am reconciled to my fate now. Most people know about my DID and I can defend myself if I have to. As long as I continue to write in many different "voices" I will remail committed and happy.